Now that America's Sweethearts are reunited and planning to wed, they will need household gifts beyond the usual place settings and silver. Herewith a few gift suggestions for well-wishers:
*Caller ID to block incoming messages from anyone named Palin or Johnston.
*His and her DVDs of the 2005 Jane Fonda movie, "Monster-in-Law."
*Subscriptions to Time and Newsweek to class up their coffee table by covering copies of Us, People and Playgirl for the filming of their new reality show.
*Services of a new ghost writer for Bristol's paid speeches on teen-age pregnancy to finesse the fact that it can lead to fame, fortune and magazine covers.
*Personal trainers to help them memorize passages from next year's new Sarah Palin book, "America by Heart: Reflections on Faith, Family and Flag," in time for the 2012 Republican Convention.
In their statement on the news, the elder Palins said, "We pray that, as a couple, Bristol and Levi's relationship matures into one that will allow Tripp to grow up graced with two loving parents in his life."
And perhaps the greatest gift of all, a little privacy.