Shotgun Wedding Heard Around the World

In the final image of the Republican convention, with all the McCains and Palins on the stage waving to the crowd and the cameras, the most fascinating figure was the 18-year-old stud muffin named Levi Johnston who was up there based on the accomplishment of having knocked up his high-school girlfriend.

Young Levi's bemused demeanor recalls the hero of Preston Sturges' classic World War II movie, "The Miracle of Morgan's Creek," a zany comedy about the public consequences of an unintended pregnancy that somehow ended well for all concerned.

The 21s century version has a happy ending, too. MTV, People and Us Magazine report that wedding bells will be ringing soon, but the whole world knows that.

Palin's "My Fair Lady" Moment

With a phalanx of Henry Higginses and Col. Pickerings, Sarah Palin is being prepped for her Eliza Doolittle debut at the Republican equivalent of the Embassy Ball tonight, and it would take a heart of stone to see the drama only in political terms.

But this movie will be shown, not on TCM, but all the TV networks, and, as new details emerge about Gov. Palin's past, we find there is much more at stake than whether or not the flower girl passes muster in a world of self-satisfied snobs and poseurs.

In past life, Eliza was selling violets but now we learn that Mayor Sarah was ideologically firing town officials and trying to ban books in the library with what neighbors describe as "a polarizing single-mindedness."

Last night, the Republican Convention gave us Fred Thompson narrating a combined remake of "Sergeant York," "Patton" and "Yankee Doodle Dandy," and no doubt tonight's movie will be even more riveting. Who could be rooting against the upward mobility of a savvy, spunky young woman in the world of political privilege and posturing?

But before we enjoy the catharsis of Eliza flinging slippers at Henry Higgins, we might want to keep in mind how that climactic scene would play in the Oval Office where something more substantial than slippers might be the nearest objects at hand.

Changing of the GOP Guard

With Day One wiped out by natural disaster, the Republican Convention will be visited tonight by man-made political pestilences named George W. Bush, bearing the lowest approval ratings in history, and Joe Lieberman, despised by both liberal Democrats who voted him out of their party and conservative Republicans who revolted to stop John McCain from choosing him as a running mate.

Disarray over the VP choice may signal a changing of the political guard, much as the Democrats' Eagleton fiasco did in 1972. Before that, the party had won six out of nine presidential elections dating back to FDR. From then on, Republicans prevailed in the following six of nine.

In a way, it's sad that Lieberman didn't get the nod to go down in history as the first Jewish candidate for vice president to experience bipartisan defeat, but with the distinct possibility that Sarah Palin will be scandaled into withdrawing, McCain may yet be able to revert to his suicidal choice, although factional in-fighting is more likely to lead to a talking-points cyborg like Tim Pawlenty.

One silver lining: With Bush scheduled to speak by satellite, delegates will be spared the effort of having to feign delirous joy as he makes a grand entrance to take the podium.

Burying Iraq as an Issue

At the Republican Convention, the public desire that dominated the elections two years ago--to get out of Iraq--will be low on the agenda, buried under John McCain's rhetoric about "victory" with "honor."

But as a New York Times editorial points out, McCain is alone in trying to sell that grotesque claim:

"Iraq’s leaders are pushing a timetable that would have American troops out in 2011.

"Even President Bush--who had long scorned the notion of a withdrawal deadline as defeatist--looks set to go along...

"That leaves Mr. McCain as the stubborn man out.

"While the war is no longer front-page news, thousands of Americans are still fighting and dying there. The war is costing American taxpayers $10 billion a month--that is $10 billion that cannot be spent on health care, education and many other urgent priorities.

"Mr. McCain told veterans on Aug. 11 that he would end the war, but intended to 'win it first' and assured them that 'victory in Iraq is finally in sight.'

"He needs to explain what he means by victory. A free and democratic Iraq, as Mr. Bush originally promised? That would take generations. Even after spending nearly $700 billion, the United States will be lucky to leave behind a marginally functioning central government in a very fragile country."

McCain on Iraq recalls the loony character in the World War II movie "Arsenic and Old Lace" who thinks he's Teddy Roosevelt and keeps rushing up the stairs blowing a bugle and yelling "Charge!" Meanwhile, real bodies are buried in the cellar.

That character's Panama Canal was the product of a disordered mind, but Iraq is real and American voters should get an explanation from McCain or take away his bugle.

McCain's Answered Prayers

The candidate's faith in a Higher Power must be stronger today with news that Hurricane Gustav will keep George W. Bush from raining on his parade in the Twin Cities this week.

Three years late, the President will be heading to Texas to cope with possible devastation by Nature, thereby sparing the Republican Convention reminders of his failures during Katrina as well as seven years of wrong-headed war and economic storms.

For a conclave with nothing to celebrate, the hurricane emergency will allow Republicans to take the solemn, prayerful tone that suits them best instead of concentrating on made-made political problems that can be solved by policy decisions and good judgment in the White House.

President Bush relied on the guidance of a "Higher Father" in deciding to invade Iraq. For such believers as John McCain and Sarah Palin, it may be a blessing that divine guidance is taking him South this week instead of Minnesota.