Political Head Cases

Gallup reports today that "Republicans are significantly more likely than Democrats or independents to rate their mental health as excellent."

File this under the "Alfred E. Neuman Effect." In his extensive research, Dr. Neuman has discovered a correlation of intellectual curiosity, empathy and compassion with anxiety and depression, resulting in prescription of "What, Me Worry?" medication for afflicted Democrats.

The therapy has worked so well that some patients have not only gone into remission as Independents but achieved total cures and experienced Republican bliss.

For some, however, there have been significant side effects from overdoses--blonde brassiness in women (Ann Coulter Syndrome) and porcine belligerence (Limbaugh Logorrhea)--which have failed to respond to all known treatments.

Researchers at the Rupert Murdoch Institute are studying such cases in hope of discovering a new state of mental health they have tentatively labeled "super-excellent."