Terrorists Get Old, Too

Time works its will on everyone, even fanatics. Those who don’t strap explosives to themselves and ascend to their 72 virgins are not immune to the coming of age.

Here is Osama bin Laden in the latest terrorist video, looking wan and grey, reduced to a 50-second cameo, waxing philosophical:

"So this whole broad life is summarized by him who was inspired by God, the Lord of the heavens and earth, praised and exalted is he. This glorious prophet who was inspired by God summarized this entire life by these words...Happy is the one who was chosen by God as a martyr."

That elegiac snippet of uncertain vintage suggests aging and the loss of fire in the belly. In Wordsworth’s words, “Whither is fled the visionary gleam?”

But compared to Carlos the Jackal, bin Laden is still in his prime. Venezuelan-born Vladimir Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, who bombed his way to fame in the 1970s, in an interview from a French prison this week, called the current Islamic terrorists the Gallic equivalent of whippersnappers.

“They are not professionals,” Carlos scoffed. “They’re not organized. They don’t even know how to make proper explosives or proper detonators.”

In his day, Carlos pointed out, killing people at random was amateur night. He selected his targets to make a point.

Comforting as it is to know that terrorists get old and flabby, like the rest of us, it would be churlish not to wish them an early death to escape these mortal pangs.

The Queen, Kramer and Other Celebs

Amid all the glum stuff, some major news has been, as they say on the Daily Show, falling through the cracks:

*In a shoot, celebrity photographer Annie Liebovitz tells Queen Elizabeth to lose the crown--it would look better, “less dressy.” The Sovereign is not amused and asks with annoyance, ”Less dressy--what do you think this is?” In earlier times, a beheading might have ensued.

*Kramer is cooling it in Cambodia. After his comedy-club expletive outburst, Michael Richards is finding peace at daily spiritual seminars conducted by a Hindi monk known as Swami G., who is "on a mission to re-establish the science of inner bliss on planet Earth." Kramer, minus his slide step, will be touring temples and visiting Angkor Wat.

*It won’t be featured on the “Weddings” page of the Sunday New York Times, but Osama bin Laden’s fourth-eldest son Omar, 27, has married a 51-year-old British grandmother. They "met cute" while she was riding a horse near the Great Pyramid in Egypt. Jane Felix-Browne, who has had five previous husbands, is trying to get a visa for her newest, who is working as a scrap metal dealer in Saudi Arabia.

*Once home to William Randolph Hearst and Marion Davis, the most expensive U.S. residence is for sale in Beverly Hills. Asking price: $165 million. On 6.5 acres, it has 29 bedrooms, three swimming pools, tennis courts, a state-of-the-art movie theater and disco. The current owner, an attorney, is looking for a “lifestyle change.”

If there’s a theme here, it escapes me.