Scott McClellan's Script Tease

Say this much for Dana Perino: She may not be the most scintillating White House press secretary in history but, after writing her memoirs, she won't be performing the verbal strip tease Scott McClellan did this week to get attention for his.

Earlier in this slow news week, his publisher posted 121 words from McClellan's oevre that won't be available until next April:

"The most powerful leader in the world had called upon me to speak on his behalf and help restore credibility he lost amid the failure to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. So I stood at the White house briefing room podium in front of the glare of the klieg lights for the better part of two weeks and publicly exonerated two of the senior-most aides in the White House: Karl Rove and Scooter Libby.

"There was one problem. It was not true.

"I had unknowingly passed along false information. And five of the highest ranking officials in the administration were involved in my doing so: Rove, Libby, the Vice President, the President’s chief of staff, and the President himself."

Most journalists (silly people) took this to mean that George W. Bush was "involved" in lies about Rove and Libby to the press.

But after getting attention with this admission, McClellan's publisher now tells us it all depends on what the meaning of "is" is. Peter Osnos of Public Affairs Books explains that his author "did not intend to suggest Bush lied to him" but told him what "he thought to be the case" and "didn't know it was not true."

Oh. Sounds a lot like the kind of work McClellan used to do from behind the White House podium.

The history of the Bush Administration's downfall can be traced in the arc of attractiveness of its spokespeople. When they were riding high, the media were held at bay by boring dough-faced types like McClellan and Ari Fleischer. Later, when the going got tough, they were replaced by the smoother and better-looking Tony Snow and Perino.

At this rate, Bush and Cheney should scouring Hollywood casting officers for a communications closer.

Tony Snow Spinning Cancer

The best cure yet for hyper-political self-importance might be watching the White House Press Secretary’s interview about his colon cancer by NBC’s David Gregory.

The human connection between two men often seen in angry confrontation at White House briefings is moving in itself, but Snow’s courage and optimism in the face of the incurable but treatable disease are a startling reminder that disagreement in politics need not be grounds for personal hatred.

In all the Bush years, putting Snow out there as the face of the Administration has been one of the best moves they made. He is now putting that celebrity to good use in setting an example for other cancer victims of how effective keeping active and maintaining a positive attitude can be.

Tony Snow is not likely to change many minds about Iraq or illegal wiretapping, but he is a constant reminder of what all of us have in common.

Murdoch to Buy Bush Administration

On the heels of the Dow Jones deal, Rupert Murdoch has made an offer to acquire the assets of the nearly bankrupt Bush Administration, reliable sources reported today.

Insiders speculate that, among other moves, the media baron plans to merge the White House Press Secretary’s Office with Fox News in a 24/7 effort to counter liberal media bias.

The synergy of the proposed merger is intriguing media analysts, who foresee joint efforts by the newly acquired Wall Street Journal and the Treasury Department to ease trade imbalances and stimulate corporate investment as well as initiatives by the State Department to improve relations with the People’s Republic of China where Mr. Murdoch has been making significant progress in advancing U.S interests.

Off the record, Mr. Murdoch has reassured stockholders of continuity of top management in the White House but has not ruled out lower-level changes such as replacing Attorney General Alberto Gonzales with a legal expert of Australian extraction and moving Karl Rove to the New York Post as editor of Page Six, which has lost some of its bite of late.

If negotiations should fail, Mr. Murdoch is prepared to settle for a smaller acquisition, reported to be one or both houses of Congress.

Another possibility is the Supreme Court, where News Corp. has previous ties with a $1 million book advance to Justice Clarence Thomas.