Monday, April 30, 2012

Osama on Our Minds

Osama bin Laden was so depressed about Al Qaida's low favorability ratings in the Arab world, we now learn, that he considered a name change for the franchise. No word as to whether he was mulling a Donald Trump invitation to host "The Apprentice: Boardroom Terrorism" or to be the subject of a Comedy Central Roast, which would have certified him as a has-been.

Death, a panel of political experts has voted, was a better career move.

Jimmy Carter has officially protested Mitt Romney's claim that he himself would have killed  Osama:  "Of course, even Jimmy Carter would have given that order." The 39th President insists that nothing about a Nobel Prize keeps one from a cold-blooded killing, although such activity is not as mandatory as it is for venture capitalists.

The list of world figures who would not have ordered the raid is now down to PeeWee Herman and the Dalai Lama.   

No word from George W. Bush about what he would have done.

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