Canonization of McCain

After eight years of rejecting and marginalizing John McCain, the Republican Party nominated him for sainthood tonight to obscure its abysmal record at home and abroad.

Fred Thompson, a bad actor, and Joe Lieberman, a very bad actor, spent a TV hour trying to sell McCain's character as the answer to all of America's problems that the Bush Administration has created, ignored or worsened by trying to destroy the power of government to solve them.

"We need a president," Thompson declared, "who will take the federal bureaucracy by the scruff of the neck and give it a good shaking."

"Don't be fooled," Lieberman exhorted, "by some of these political statements and advertisements. Trust me: God only made one John McCain, and he is his own man."

In desperation to avoid talking about the Bush years, Lieberman even had the GOP crowd applauding as he compared McCain to "the last Democratic president, Bill Clinton, who stood up to some of those same Democratic interest groups, worked with Republicans, and got some important things done, like welfare reform, free trade agreements, and a balanced budget."

Thompson, in best "Law and Order" style, offered good-old-boy scenes from McCain's youth as "the leader of the troublemakers" at the Naval Academy and, in flight school, dating "a girl who worked in a bar as an exotic dancer under the name of Marie, the Flame of Florida" followed by a graphic retelling of McCain's suffering as a POW.

In all, with a background of flags and fake blue skies, it was a prime-time hour worthy of "American Idol" and just about as substantial.

Preview of McCain's Acceptance Speech

Minneapolis, Sept 4, 2008--In a Capraesque moment for the 21st century, John Sidney McCain III told a stunned Republican Convention tonight:

"I accept your nomination for president of the United States but, in all good conscience, must reject the tactics that are being used to win that office for myself and my party."

To the bewildered, buzzing audience, McCain declared, "I take my text tonight from a source familiar to us all but too easily forgotten in the heat of political battle: 'For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?'

"My friends, I have tried to serve my country all my life with honor, and I will not trade that accomplishment for any office, no matter how exalted.

"In the past months, I have given in to the temptation to allow people who speak for me to paint my opponent as dishonest, deceitful and untrustworthy. From my own experience as his Senate colleague, I know that is simply not true.

"From this moment, all that will stop. In my heart, I believe I am better qualified to lead this country, and I will make my case to anyone who will listen. But I will not be part of a process that demeans others for my own advantage and damages the civilized American dialogue that has been the glory of our democracy for more than two centuries."

Sources close to McCain reveal that, prior to delivering his acceptance speech, the text of which was not made available in advance, the Republican candidate had dismissed all members of his staff associated with Karl Rove and the Bush campaigns of 2000 and 2004.

In what is being called "Operation Straight Talk Redux," the Senator has taped talking-head commercials outlining his positions on the economy, energy, health care and other issues, ending with the statement, "I'm John McCain, and you can bet your bottom dollar I approve this message."

Reaction from Republican convention goers has been mixed. "Even it works for him," said one Congressional candidate who declined to be identified, "there goes eight years of everything the rest of us got from following the Rove playbook."

Seasoned political observers are divided over whether the new McCain can win over enough Independents and disaffected Democrats to make up for expected losses among Conservative Republicans.

"In the long run," says one pollster, "honesty is the best policy. Except when it isn't."