Wag-the-Dog Tea Parties

As Fox News, the Wall Street Journal et al are heavy-breathing about Tea Party protests on Tax Day, Gallup discloses that Americans' "Views of Income Taxes Among Most Positive Since 1956."

But reality is no more a deterrent for Rupert Murdoch than it was for William Randolph Hearst when he was stirring up the Spanish-American War in 1898 with a drumbeat of scare headlines. To a message from artist Frederick Remington reporting "There is no war," Hearst famously replied, "You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war." And he did.

In a 24/7 news world, however, Murdoch's efforts seem less like Hearst's than those of the mental case who thinks he's Teddy Roosevelt in "Arsenic and Old Lace," blowing a bugle and rushing up the stairs with a sword, yelling "Charge!"

One reason the Tea Parties won't work as a Wag-the-Dog move lies in Gallup's report that Americans who say taxes are too high has fallen from 68 percent in 2001 to 46 today:

"Since 1956, there has been only one other time when a higher percentage of Americans said their taxes were about right--in 2003, when 50% did so after two rounds of tax cuts under the Bush administration.

"The slightly more positive view this year may reflect a public response to President Barack Obama's economic stimulus and budget plans. He has promised not to raise taxes on Americans making less than $250,000, while cutting taxes for lower- and middle-income Americans. The latter has already begun, as the government has reduced the withholding amount for federal income taxes from middle- and lower-income American workers' paychecks."

Add this to the undoubtedly large numbers of taxpayers who, in meeting today's deadline, will find that, as a result of falling income last year, they can expect a refund, and the tax protests look like they will turn out to be as limp as an overused tea bag.

"Wag the Dog" Campaign

Democratic nightmares about Sarah Palin were anticipated by two Barry Levinson movies--"Wag the Dog" in 1997 about creating a for-TV-only event to distract voters, followed by "Man of the Year" in 2006, wherein a pop personality is elected to clean up the mess in Washington.

The McCain campaign is following the scripts closely, bringing out Palin slowly according to the "Wag the Dog" producer's plan: "You gotta tease them. You don't put Jaws in the first reel of the movie. It's the contract, sweetheart. The contract of the election, whether they know it or not, is 'Vote for me Tuesday, Wednesday I'll produce Schumann [the fabricated war hero].' See, that's what they're paying their seven bucks for."

His media strategy: "What difference does it make if it's true? If it's a story and it breaks, they're gonna run with it."

As for the upcoming VP candidate debate, in "Man of the Year," a character explains: "If everything seems credible then nothing seems credible. You know, TV puts everybody in those boxes, side-by-side. On one side, there's this certifiable lunatic who says the Holocaust never happened. And next to him is this noted, honored historian who knows all about the Holocaust.

"And now, there they sit, side-by-side, they look like equals! Everything they say seems to be credible. And so, as it goes on, nothing seems credible anymore! We just stopped listening!"

Maybe Levinson, who must be a Democrat, should sue for copyright infringement.

White House Summer Movie

At the pitch meeting, it must have looked foolproof: Remake “Wag the Dog” with “Westworld” action set in Graustark with singing and dancing extras wearing lederhosen.

George Bush, a tired tourist, would have a shootout with an animatronic Vladmir Putin, a schmaltzy farewell with Tony Blair and then end up in Albania to wildly cheering crowds who had never heard of Iraq.

It was going well enough, even though the Putin robot went haywire for a while and looked like he was using live ammo, but the technicians brought in a missile shield in time to avoid bloodshed.

There was a little snafu with Blair’s scene when Bush took sick after sipping no-buzz beer. It must have been outdated. After all, how many calls do they get for non-alcoholic brew at a German resort?

They love us in Albania, so there should be a socko finish tomorrow unless someone reminds them they were the patsies in the original “Wag the Dog.”