White House Summer Movie

At the pitch meeting, it must have looked foolproof: Remake “Wag the Dog” with “Westworld” action set in Graustark with singing and dancing extras wearing lederhosen.

George Bush, a tired tourist, would have a shootout with an animatronic Vladmir Putin, a schmaltzy farewell with Tony Blair and then end up in Albania to wildly cheering crowds who had never heard of Iraq.

It was going well enough, even though the Putin robot went haywire for a while and looked like he was using live ammo, but the technicians brought in a missile shield in time to avoid bloodshed.

There was a little snafu with Blair’s scene when Bush took sick after sipping no-buzz beer. It must have been outdated. After all, how many calls do they get for non-alcoholic brew at a German resort?

They love us in Albania, so there should be a socko finish tomorrow unless someone reminds them they were the patsies in the original “Wag the Dog.”

Putin Recovers From Reverse ADD

Quicker than you can say “Breaking News from Heiligendamm, Germany,” Russian President Vladimir Putin and our President George (“I call him Vladimir”) Bush have solved the international missile shield crisis that Putin whipped up for the G8 meeting.

Bono, who knows something about fame, diagnosed a case of Reverse Attention Deficit Disorder, a disease that is plaguing the celebrity world. Putin’s condition was cured by a weekend of headlines and CNN face time.

"People love a cockfight, you know,” Bono explained. “It's like, this is just a complete distraction."

Not for Putin, who was getting lost in the Middle East shuffle and Bush, who hasn’t been able to smile for the cameras in a long time.