Huckabee or Jindal: Googling McCain's VP

"You know, basically it's a Google," the Republican candidate told a fund-raising luncheon this week when asked how the running-mate selection process was going. "What you can find out now on the Internet--it's remarkable."

McCain was joking, of course, but in the light of his age issue and as a veteran of the 2000 campaign in which Dick Cheney chose himself, he knows the Republican VP candidate is no laughing matter.

After auditions of Mitt Romney and Governors Charlie Charlie Crist of Florida and Bobby Jindal of Louisiana at a Memorial Day barbecue, rumors are running toward Mike Huckabee, who caught fire with some conservatives during the primaries but put off others with his Second Commandment populism.

But, prodded by Rush Limbaugh, true believers are salivating over the 37-year-old Louisiana governor.

"Bobby Jindal is a great American," Grover Norquist burbles. "He is great on guns, great on taxes, a Roman Catholic, a Southerner and an Indian-American. Bobby Jindal would be great for the GOP and perfect for McCain."

The 71-year-old McCain's choice of Jindal would inevitably invite comparisons with the selection in 1988 by George H. W. Bush of Dan Quayle, then 41, who turned out to be an embarrassing VP who couldn't spell "potato."

But Jindal is a former Rhodes scholar who went on to work for McKinsey advising Fortune 500 companies. He is reliably pro-life, voted in Congress to make the Patriot Act permanent and advocates teaching "intelligent design" in public schools.

In 1988, McCain opined about Quayle, "I can't believe a guy that handsome wouldn't have some impact." Soon now, we'll know what kind of guy McCain thinks would have impact on his chances for the White House.

McCain Mutinies

Before he is anointed by the Republican convention this summer, John McCain's legendary temper will be tested by a swarm of stings from both Left and Right.

Not only do Arianna Huffington and a pair of "West Wing" actors claim he told them he didn't vote for Bush in 2000 and Senate Democrats insist he considered switching parties, McCain is still not free of doubts about his Conservative conversion emanating from admirers of Ron Paul, Bob Barr and Mike Huckabee.

The Los Angeles Times reports that "the forces of Rep. Ron Paul have been organizing across the country to stage an embarrassing public revolt against Sen. John McCain when Republicans gather for their national convention in St. Paul at the beginning of September."

In addition, former Congressman Bob Barr, who led the outcry for Bill Clinton's impeachment, is looking for the Libertarian nomination this fall, another potential outlet for Far Right unhappiness.

To top it off, Robert Novak, the master of Republican intrigue, reports McCain "has a problem of disputed dimensions with a vital component of the conservative coalition: evangelicals...These militants look at former Baptist preacher Huckabee as 'God's candidate' for president in 2012. Whether they can be written off as merely a troublesome fringe group depends on Huckabee's course.

"Huckabee's announced support of McCain is unequivocal, and he is regarded in the McCain camp as a friend and ally. But credible activists are spreading the word that Huckabee secretly allies himself with the bitter-end opposition."

As the Democrats sort themselves out in a bid for unity, McCain is having his own problems in that regard, and his anger-management skills may be sorely tested in the coming weeks.

Huckabee, Health and Fitness Guru

The biggest winner among the 2008 losers is fielding job offers from cable news networks, but there is a better career move available. Richard Simmons turns 60 this summer, and Mike Huckabee is the perfect candidate to fill his tights, metaphorically speaking.

Unless he plans never to run for public office again (Is the Pope Baptist?), the worst thing Huckabee could do is leave a trail of political bread crumbs to YouTube him to oblivion (multiply "a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God" by thousands).

Instead, the man who stepped out of a fat suit five years ago and began running marathons would be the ideal TV proselytizer against America's obesity epidemic, as he was in Arkansas and elsewhere before coming down with White House fever.

With his communications skills, the author of "Stop Digging Your Grave With a Knife and Fork" would be the sensation of daytime TV, regaling audiences with stories about how, as a 300-pound Governor in 2003, he sat down at a cabinet meeting and broke the chair while inspiring them to slim down and stay healthy, even as he himself did throughout the fast-food temptations of a Presidential campaign.

He might not make Mitt Romney money, but Huckabee could earn enough to avoid having to lecture for pay, as he did over the last year, if he makes another run for the White House.

If he decides to do it, the Governor could profit from his Don Imus moment two years ago. When the I-man told him he looked "emaciated," Huckabee made a little concentration-camp joke that did not go over too well with Jewish advocates.

Like Richard Simmons, Governor, just keep it upbeat.

Romney Redux?

Now that John McCain's hair has been mussed a bit by New York Times reminders of his ties to lobbyists, Mitt Romney may be rethinking his decision to suspend his campaign in order not to "be a part of aiding a surrender to terror."

According to Los Angeles Times political columnist Andrew Malcolm, "Josh Romney, one of former Gov. Mitt Romney's five sons, says it's 'possible' his father may rejoin the race for the White House, as a vice presidential candidate or as the Republican Party's standard-bearer if the campaign of Sen. John McCain falters...Because he suspended rather than terminated his campaign, Romney still retains control of the nearly 300 delegates he's already won."

Mike Huckabee will be thrilled to hear that Romney may want to be a part of surrendering to terror after all. Maybe they can get Rudy Giuliani and Fred Thompson to come back for a Republican roast of McCain with Rush Limbaugh as MC.

The Messages of Super Tuesday

The results suggest that money and political muscle are not the be-all and end-all for getting to the White House.

John McCain now has a clear path to the Republican nomination, while Mike Huckabee remains to haunt his hopes for a unified Party and may very well end up as his running mate.

Barack Obama has leveled the playing field with Hillary Clinton, cutting into her lead in the delegate count to the point where the once-certain nominee is now calling for more debates to bolster her chances.

What Obama and Huckabee have in common is that a year ago they were candidates with messages who didn't have the money, the name recognition or the organization to challenge the Clintons' political juggernaut, Rudy Giuliani's 9/11 aura or Mitt Romney's wealth.

But somehow, in the face of those odds, they persuaded different segments of the electorate that they represent the best hope for change from the dismal Bush years.

Six months ago, McCain, better-known but not beloved by conservatives, had slipped off the radar in the polls. But here he is, the front runner as those with more money, celebrity and willingness to pander have gone under.

Super Tuesday doesn't justify a Pollyanna vision of Presidential politics, but it does undermine the view of cynics who claim that it's only about money and power.

Tanglefoot Romney

In 1968, a Republican governor remarked, "Watching George Romney run for President is like watching a duck try to make love [PG version] to a football."

His son is keeping up the family tradition. Today, John McCain, running third in the West Virginia convention, turned supporters loose to vote for Mike Huckabee, who won the state's 18 delegates on the second ballot. Mitt Romney's campaign called foul, claiming a "backroom deal" to undercut him.

Huckabee replied that Romney "was saying yesterday, 'No whining.' So is it no whining or whining? He can't even keep a straight answer on the 'whining or no whining' question. There was no backroom deal. There wasn't even a front room deal. There was no deal."

Yesterday's Mitt misstep was dumping on Bob Dole for trying to get Rush Limbaugh to let up on John McCain. Romney rushed in to label Dole a loser in 1996 whose campaign resembled McCain's effort now. After a howl from conservatives, some of whom are supporting him, Romney had to backtrack to "make it very clear. Senator Dole is an American hero, a war hero, a fine man and a great leader for our party.”

The man can't seem to get out of his own way. If he were to get to the White House, Saturday Night Live would have to bring back Chevy Chase to do his Gerald Ford falling-all-over-himself routine.

John McCain, Traitor

In the eyes of its diehards, the Republican Party will go a long way tomorrow toward nominating a candidate who has betrayed its principles.

On the far right's list of infamy, McCain is reviled for damaging free speech and the First Amendment for trying to curb the power of money in elections, harming free enterprise by advocating a patient's bill of rights and the importation of lower-priced socialized medications from Canada and, worst of all, refusing to crack down on illegal immigrants who might sneak across our unfenced borders for another 9/11 attack.

The tide of bile against John McCain is so high that right-wing realists are piling last-minute sandbags on the ideological dikes to avert a GOP Katrina.

In the Boston Globe, Jeff Jacoby argues that "the immaculate conservative leader for whom so many on the right yearn to vote is a fantasy. Conservatives who say that McCain is no Ronald Reagan are right, but Mitt Romney is no Ronald Reagan either. Neither is Mike Huckabee. And neither was the real--as opposed to the mythic--Ronald Reagan.

"The conservative case against McCain is clear enough...But this year, the conservative case for McCain is vastly more compelling."

The New York Times' new sage William Kristol urges far-right colleagues to overcome their "disgruntlement and dyspepsia" and not to "treat 2008 as a throwaway election."

Fellow senators, too, are having a hard time swallowing the idea of McCain as their standard bearer, the Washington Post reports, warning that "his tirades suggest a temperament unfit for the Oval Office."

McCain's offenses against collegiality, to an outside observer, seem motivated by outrage at blatant corruption, but we may not be attuned to the nuances of legislative free enterprise.

Tomorrow will be a test for all his detractors. Will they choose a chance to win in November with the treacherous McCain or go down in honor with malleable Mitt Romney?

Bedtime for Fred

He could have aced the part, but the rehearsals were murder, so Fred Thompson's agent can start fielding offers again. The Law & Order star announced today that he has stopped auditioning for the White House.

It was fun while it lasted. Before he declared his candidacy, Thompson was running second in the national polls, but the rigors of actually campaigning were too much.

He ran for President from a Barcalounger, as Dick Cavett observed in his New York Times blog, and gave new meaning to "laid back" until he bestirred himself in the South Carolina debate to deliver a few barbs for Mike Huckabee, who will no doubt benefit from his absence in the Florida primary.

Since everybody else is playing Ronald Reagan in this campaign, Thompson's road-show performance won't be missed.

Southern Fried Politicians

Fred Thompson hit his expiration date in South Carolina but may have managed to cook Mike Huckabee's goose in the process as John Edwards, after fizzling in Nevada, is in danger of becoming toast without a strong showing in South Carolina next weekend.

So much for culinary clichés, but the Presidential buffet is definitely losing its down-home flavor--no drawls or twangs in the next White House, if you don't count possible First Spouse Bill Clinton.

The Republicans' well-established Southern strategy has been derailed by the Thompson-Huckabee collision and faces a severe test in November against the appeal of Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama to African-American voters.

In the long arc from the Democrats' Solid South more than half a century ago to the GOP's recent coalition of cultural conservatives, there has been a degree of unanimity that looks unlikely this year.

By nominating a McCain, Romney or Giuliani, Republicans will face fallout that won't be papered over by late conversions on abortion, immigration and gay rights or a Southern running mate on the ticket.

This November, red and blue states may form a checkered pattern all across the electoral map.

Et Tu, Barack?

As the campaign reaches fever pitch, the candidates are slipping toward caricatures of themselves--Huckabee's piety, Hillary Clinton's control-freakiness, John Edwards' angry man act, and now Barack Obama gives us too much audacity about hope in praising Ronald Reagan for "clarity...optimism...a return to that sense of dynamism and entrepreneurship that had been missing."

True enough that Reagan rode to the White House on "the excesses of the 1960s and 1970s," but it was Nixon's resentful Silent Majority that propelled him there to express, behind the "Morning in America" façade, a social meanness that cut taxes for the very rich and falsified a "trickle down" effect for everyone else.

After his Iowa victory, Obama said, ""The time has come for a president who will be honest about the choices and the challenges we face...who won't just tell you what you want to hear, but what you need to know."

In this campaign, there has been very little of that, but Obama has showed some signs. Tuesday night, for example, he dared to suggest that one way to cut American dependence on foreign oil is to consume less energy:

"We are going to have to make our buildings more efficient. We're going to have to make our lighting more efficient. We're going to have to make our appliances more efficient. That is actually the low-hanging fruit if we're going to deal with climate change...

"And there's no reason why, with the kind of presidential leadership that I intend to provide, that we can't make drastic cuts in the amount of energy that we consume without any drop in our standard of living."

Not exactly a call for blood, sweat and tears, but amid all the pumped-up promises of no-cost change, Obama has here and there dropped a hint that it will take more than optimism to cure the economy. It's disheartening to hear him praise the false hope of the 1980s in an attempt to "bring us together" and pick up some votes from surviving Reagan Democrats.

Up With Huckabee

Since Iowa, the vote count for the former Arkansas governor has been earthbound, but it hasn't lowered his expectations.

"We really need to take America up and not down," Mike Huckabee said when he moved into the top tier of candidates and now, as he faces a moment of truth in South Carolina that could foreshadow his fate on Super Tuesday, he is still looking in that direction.

Before his third-place finish in Michigan yesterday, he told supporters that "what we need to do is to amend the Constitution so it's in God's standards rather than try to change God's standards."

It's no surprise that Huckabee is keeping his spirits up but, as his political fortunes fluctuate, his weight seems to be heading in the same direction.

Famous for losing over a hundred pounds and writing a book about it, in recent appearances, Huckabee has been looking more and more like Al Gore.

Last month, he admitted to gaining a dozen pounds on the campaign trail but seemed optimistic that he could trim down for the Boston marathon in April.

Between now and then, his ecclesiastical and dietary resolve will be tested by the political marathon.

News From the Alternate Universe

At the gates of the Republican debate last night, there is a heavenly choir to greet the messengers at the podium, who proceed to bring down the wrath of Reagan on the congregation.

Fred Thompson calls out Mike Huckabee as an apostate Democrat who would mislead true believers into charity for undocumented immigrants, closing Guantanamo and making smoking illegal.

Mitt Romney chides John McCain for saying some jobs would not be coming back to Michigan, the equivalent of swearing in Republican church.

Rudy Giuliani seems to be undergoing yet another sinner's conversion, intoning Reagan more often than 9/11 and disputing McCain's claim to be the only one on the stage who foresaw the glory of the Surge.

They all roll their eyes at Ron Paul, the village zealot who preaches economic doom if we keep giving alms to Israel and the Arabs instead of cultivating our own gardens.

It's a Reagan revival meeting and, although there are no miraculous cures for the politically lame and blind, the tent is filled with holy fervor from the converted, who are soliciting love offerings at the ballot box to keep Democrats from doing the Devil's work in South Carolina.

Big Brother Bloomberg

After the uproar over Bush Administration surveillance of American citizens, the news from Bloomberg country today is unnerving.

During his Hamlet-like deliberations about whether or not to run for President as an Independent, New York's Mayor has been collecting and collating a lot of information about all of us.

According to the Huffington Post, "Using the microtargeting model, research firms working for Bloomberg are gathering comprehensive information on voters throughout the country, such has who owns a home, has children in college, where they vacation, type of car or computer and past political support. All the puzzle pieces will then be arranged to create a picture of each individual."

After the Bush years, Americans may not be thrilled to have their picture taken this way by Bloomberg or anyone else, especially for the purpose of manipulating their political choices.

In the light of voters' recent attraction to Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee for their individuality, Mayor Mike would be well-advised not to start his run as Big Brother.

Obama: Buyer's Remorse

Yet another theory to explain the inexplicable results of the Democratic New Hampshire primary:

Caught up in post-Iowa euphoria, normally prudent New Englanders suffered an attack of buyer's remorse on Election Day--anxiety over their decision to make a big investment based on emotion rather than history and horse sense.

Purchasing a sleek new Obama would make them feel good about themselves, but did they know enough about performance and durability to justify what might turn out to be an extravagance? Wouldn't a familiar Clinton model be a safer investment?

In our new Age of Anxiety, much as voters now want change from Bush fatigue, a heartfelt political commitment would bring with it doubts and worries. In the coming months, such ambivalence may be reflected in more mood swings at the ballot box.

In South Carolina, for example, buyer's remorse could follow the Republicans' sudden infatuation with Mike Huckabee and persuade them to pick up a reliable old John McCain, even if they are not entranced by all the familiar features.

Then again, maybe not.

Romney Downsizing

For someone who made a fortune bailing out failing enterprises, Mitt Romney must be having déjà vu these days as campaign flunkies for the free-spending one-time front runner in New Hampshire desperately try to lower expectations in face of an expected McCain victory.

In a weekend of Republican candidates on ABC and Fox News, Romney came off as the rich kid in the playground, having his lunch money stolen by toughies like McCain, Giuliani, Fred Thompson and even soft-spoken Mike Huckabee, who rapped his knuckles for getting between him and moderator Chris Wallace.

It got so bad that, when Wallace asked about Huckabee manager Ed Rollins' threat to "kick his teeth," Romney even tried to make a joke about not attacking his hair. Corporate takeovers must have been easier than this.

Kristol's Wet Kiss

Mike Huckabee will no doubt recover, but being drooled on by William Kristol in the New York Times must be an unnerving experience. I know it is for me.

After half a century of Tom Wicker, James Reston, Tom Friedman et al, Kristol's maiden column is a cliché-ridden, condescending noblesse oblige nod from the "well-born" conservative aristocracy to the hick from Arkansas, "a likable regular guy" for "the work-hard-to-get-ahead strivers who represent the heart and soul of the G.O.P." You can take Michelle Malkin's word for that.

But with Democrats "licking their chops" at a possible Huckabee nomination while "a nation turns its gateful eyes" to Barack Obama for defeating Hillary Clinton, what, "inquiring minds want to know," will Kristol have to tell us next week?

Stay tuned, and bring a towel.

Second Commandment and Amendment

To go all the way to the nomination, Mike Huckabee will have to reconcile his party's tension between those who worship God and those who put more faith in guns, a distinction largely lost on liberal Democrats.

Until Iowa Evangelicals embraced him, Huckabee was suspect among Values Voters, who had doubts about what he terms Second Commandment Christianity, which extends more compassion to illegal immigrants and the undeserving poor than other Republican candidates are willing to do.

“I believe,” Huckabee has said, “that life begins at conception, but I don't believe it ends at birth. I believe we have a responsibility to feed the hungry, to provide a good education, a safe neighborhood, health care.”

On the other hand, after criticizing Bush on Iraq, he had to go hunting in Iowa to reassure devotees of the Second Amendment who lean toward Giuliani's macho, John McCain's militant patriotism and Mitt Romney's imitations thereof.

All this has raised doubts about whether he is a "true conservative" across the spectrum from Rush Limbaugh primitives to the National Review intellectual wing of his party.

"Huckabee," Limbaugh contends, "is using his devout Christianity to mask some other things that are distinctively not conservative. He is against free trade. He's really doesn't believe in free market."

NR editor Rich Lowry agrees with the assessment that "Huckabee could be a disaster," likely to "lose conservatives on taxes, spending and immigration and alienate moderates and Democrats on social issues."

From here to Super Tuesday, Huckabee will have to blend the competing strains of his party to lock up the nomination. If he can do that, what they see as his shortcomings could turn out to be pluses with independent voters.

The Winner Is...Change

Instead of screaming, as he did after his third-place finish as a candidate in 2004, Howard Dean was in Iowa last night as his party's chairman beaming at a huge turnout that bodes well for Democrats' chances in November.

Dean's parochial delight is understandable, but the decisive Obama and Huckabee victories have a larger meaning--that voters are so hungry for change they are willing to entrust the future to the least-tested candidates in their parties rather than those with much more accumulated political experience, power and insider backing.

Both winners have George Bush to thank for that, but it may be a mixed blessing as they continue down the road toward nomination. When the exhilaration subsides, they will be tasked to deliver a detailed picture of their visions for the change they promise and challenged to defend its plausibility.

Huckabee's victory speech struck notes of caring and inclusiveness that Republicans badly need, while Obama rose to a new emotional pitch with echoes of Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy in promises to end political polarization, social divisions and a misbegotten war.

With all the messiness of its process, Iowa has spoken clearly in making the first statement of this political year. Next week New Hampshire and next month le deluge.

Is Huckabee Clinton or Carter?

His campaign chairman wanted to knock out Mitt Romney's teeth, but Mike Huckabee decided to turn the other cheek.

Internal struggles are common in the heat of campaigns, but this week's press-conference melodrama in Iowa suggests that Huckabee is (1) a man of principle who turned away from stooping to attack ads at the last minute or (2) ambivalent and indecisive or (3) devious in the extreme, having it both ways by publicizing the ads and renouncing them at the same time.

Like the first national politician from Hope, Arkansas, Huckabee elicits meaning-of-is ambiguity as voters attempt to parse the man beyond the slick surface of his good-boy image as opposed to Clinton's bad-boy charm.

If what you see is what you get, Iowa and New Hampshire voters will have to decide if Huckabee is the antidote to what they may have disliked in Bill Clinton or another Jimmy Carter, who promised never to lie to them but couldn't handle the complexities of the real world.

Running in Place

Thursday night we will finally have some numbers, but will they tell us anything about where this bizarre election race is going?

Duration aside, the sight of more than a dozen people running for the White House this past year has seemed more an exercise in attrition than a political marathon--candidates huffing and puffing on treadmills, some falling off (Giuliani) and then climbing back on (McCain and Edwards), some watching each step carefully (Clinton and Romney) while others flaunt their freshness by picking up the pace (Huckabee and Obama). Fred Thompson strolls at the lowest setting, and Ron Paul runs around outside the gym, cussing out the machines.

But is any of this getting them--or us--anywhere? The rapid rise and fall of poll numbers suggests that, instead of choosing, voters are still shopping around and changing their minds as they watch and wait for someone to get off the track to nowhere and head in a direction that inspires them to follow.

Unless some of the candidates start taking such risks instead of pandering to their bases, they will keep running in circles until we finally pick a president out of exhaustion rather than with hope for the future.